


Closer

by sapphicalexandra



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Firsts, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Pre-Canon, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 15:29:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13297803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicalexandra/pseuds/sapphicalexandra
Summary: "Are you…having second thoughts?"Alec didn’t know why that offended him. He was the one questioning whether bonding himself to Jace forever was worth a lifetime of unrequited…feelings…or not, so he couldn’t very well resent Jace for having his own doubts.





	Closer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shirasade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirasade/gifts).



> Happy birthday shirasade! Hope you had a good one :)  
> Your gift is finally here, let me know if i did justice to your prompt ;)

“Something on your mind, almost-parabatai?”

Alec, who had been lost in thought sitting on his bed, startled, and he raised his head towards Jace, who was gingerly entering the room.  

“ _Jace_ , we’re not supposed to see each other until the ceremony,” Alec retorted.

Jace shrugged. “You looked pensive from the doorway.”

Alec merely nodded, looking down at his shoes. He was fine, everything was fine. He was about to bound himself forever to his favorite person, his best _friend_ , not even mentioning the best Shadowhunter of their generation…so it’d be _fine_. He just had to stop overthinking it.

However, said best-Shadowhunter also looked _pensive_ , as he nibbled at his bottom lip with his arms tightly wound around himself.

“Is something wrong, Jace?” Alec quietly asked.

“No,” Jace simply answered, shrugging again.

Alec frowned. “Are you…having second thoughts?”

Alec didn’t know why that offended him. _He_ was the one questioning whether bonding himself to Jace forever was worth a lifetime of unrequited…feelings…or not, so he couldn’t very well _resent_ Jace for having his own doubts. Still, maybe, _maybe_ this meant that Izzy was wrong, and that they weren’t as made for each other as everyone thought…

“Of course not,” Jace responded forcefully. “This is what I want. We – we _click_. We are better together. And I haven’t…I’ve never felt like this for anyone else but _you_. That must _mean_ something, right? That, that we’re meant to be as close to each other as _possible_.”

Alec took a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. He quickly nodded, suddenly wishing that Jace would go away so that what seemed now _inevitable_ would come along faster.

“Yeah, I mean, you’re right, of course. We should – we should really go to bed and get ready for tomorrow then, don’t you think?” Alec suggested, forcing himself to hide his moroseness.

Jace nodded as well.

It was so strange, how awkward they were being. They were simply nervous, that was all, Alec told himself. They _were_ about to make a decision that would impact them both for the rest of their _lives_. The next day, everything would go back to normal, or to a _better_ than normal.

Right then, however, Alec couldn’t just let Jace leave with that heavy tension hanging in the air. As Jace started to turn around, Alec rose from the bed and grabbed Jace’s arm. Jace looked back at him with surprise.

“Hey, come here,” Alec urged him.

Wordlessly, Jace understood, and he threw himself in Alec’s arms. Alec immediately closed his eyes as he hugged Jace back, deeply breathing in as Jace’s familiar _aura_ surrounded him. They were cheek to cheek, a feat that Alec was proud of, since he had struggled years to reach Jace’s height. Now, he could finally say they were _equal_.

Breaking away from the hug, their eyes met, and Alec was even more aware of that fact. Why, oh _why_ did he have to find Jace’s eyes so captivating? His face so beautiful, his voice so soothing, his lips so…

Alec’s heart skipped a beat, as he could swear that, for a fraction of a second, Jace had looked at _his_ lips.

What if maybe they _were_ meant to be _as close to each other as possible_? That didn’t mean just _one_ thing, though…

Maybe he had hit his head, but Jace must have too, because it wasn’t just Alec who leaned forward. Their lips met, and _that_ felt inevitable. Alec was positive he wasn’t imagining it. No, he was kissing Jace, and Jace was kissing _him_ , as their arms were wrapped around each other all over again, but even more _tightly_. As their mouths opened tentatively, and the kiss _deepened_. 

Alec felt new clarity _hit_ him. When they broke apart, he was smiling.

“Alec?” Jace breathed, his lashes so much longer that up-close. “What are we doing?”

“You said it yourself,” Alec whispered. “I’ve never felt like this for anyone else, too. Only _you_ , Jace. I – I want to be your parabatai, I _know_ it now. But I also want _this_.”

Alec cupped Jace’s face almost reverently, then he brushed their lips together once more. He had meant for it to be short, but when Jace chased after him, he let himself be pulled _back_. Tasting Jace’s tongue was positively riveting. Finding himself being pushed against a wall even more; a moan was wrangled out of him.

Jace seemed to come to his senses, though. “But wouldn’t we be breaking the law?”

Alec’s hands had gained a life of their own, and they were tracing the skin under Jace’s shirt, drawing him further towards himself. “Fuck the law.”

Jace smirked, but he still looked confused. “You, Mr. Lightwood? I wouldn’t have expected _you_ to say such _blasphemies_.”

Alec chuckled, resting his head over Jace’s. “Why are you kissing me, Jace?”

“I don’t know,” Jace admitted. “I like it. I like _you_.”

Alec bit his lip. “I like you, too. But not just that. I – I _love_ you, Jace.”

He closed his eyes, too coward to see Jace’s reaction; the shock, the disgust, the betrayal…

Two thumbs were smoothing the skin of his cheeks, right under his eyes, so Alec could only reopen them.

Jace’s gaze was penetrating, yet vulnerable in a way Alec had rarely seen. “Love…” Jace murmured. “Is that what this is?”

Alec swallowed. “You tell me.”

Jace kissed him again instead. A low sound vibrated in Alec’s throat, and he had to force himself to push Jace away.

“Jace, this is a mistake, I’m sorry…”

“No, wait, why?” There was urgency in Jace’s tone.

Alec found it hard to concentrate, but he had to _try_. “I won’t be just an experiment for you. I’m being serious, I want all of you, so if you don’t feel the same…”

“I never said that,” Jace put in. “I just, you know why I don’t know what love is. I don’t even know if I _want_ love. I just know that I want _you_. I’m ready to tie my _soul_ to yours, yet it doesn’t feel enough. So I’m ready to give all of _myself_ to you, and I’m sorry if _that’s_ not enough…”

Jace averted his eyes, and he seemed ready to step away.

“Yes. Yes, Jace.” Alec grabbed Jace’s neck and pulled him towards himself, letting his mouth do the talking for him in a whole better way. A much more perfect way.

A while passed before they actually _talked_ again.

“So we’re going to be parabatai, and we’re going to be…?” Jace started.

Alec felt dazed, his vision solely focused on Jace and the way Jace’s lips were swollen because of _him_ …and that sentence had the effect of an ice-cold shower. “Raziel, what are we _doing_?! No, we can’t do that, that’ll be breaking the _law_ …”

“Fuck the law,” Jace imitated him, a smirk playing on his lips.

Alec could only kiss them again. “ _Fuck_ ,” he breathed against them, as he realized he was literally _unable_ to tear himself away. “But I mean…you’re right. What do we know about love? We’re just hormonal teenagers. _That_ is what this is, right?”

Jace was mouthing at his neck, and there was no ignoring how their _boners_ grazed against each other every time they moved.

“Yeah,” Jace managed to say between tracing small kisses on Alec’s skin, “we’ll just get this out of our system for a while, then we’ll be cool. No reason to stop a lifelong bond for such a stupid reason. Our souls belong together, I know it, while we won’t be breaking the law for long.”

“Okay, cool, if that’s settled…”

Alec yanked Jace away from his neck and captured his lips in a kiss that was all _hormones_. Alec wasn’t lying to himself; it made perfect sense that his attraction to Jace was just that. What did he _know_ about love? The easiness with which his horniness had led him to forsake the foundation of their society was proof enough. Raziel forgive him, but he was going to just _take_ this.

“You want to get in bed?” Jace asked frantically.

“No, no bed, don’t you dare move,” was all Alec could say, before his hand grabbed the waistband of Jace’s sweatpants, then, after a quick nod from Jace, dove inside.

The sharp intake of breath and the shaky noise that escaped out of Jace were…fascinating. Alec couldn’t take his eyes away from Jace’s face, now morphed in a pleasure _he_ was causing, as his hand was wrapped around Jace’s cock and was taking up speed. When Jace’s hand slipped inside _Alec’s_ pants, and started doing the same to him, Jace had to cover his mouth with a kiss to stifle the shriek that had come out of Alec.  

Then they set _off_. If someone had told Alec an hour earlier what he would’ve been shortly _doing_ with Jace, he would’ve sent them directly to the Silent Brothers for a check-up. Well, not that he was complaining.

Alec’s back still pressed against the wall, it wasn’t long before they switched from hands to full-on contact between their throbbing erections, their pants in a heap around their ankles. Everything was so _wet_ , from their kisses to the heat pooling all over them. Jace’s fingers dug into Alec’s sides while Alec’s hands had moved to Jace’s ass, as Jace thrusted wildly against him in a way that Alec had to strain himself to keep up. And when Alec’s finger slipped between Jace’s cheeks, he was rewarded with such a strangled sound and a doubling, if that was even possible, of speed, that it was no wonder that Alec was coming in no time. He bit on Jace’s lips to stop himself from crying out, and he was shooting up against Jace a moment later, Jace’s following suit as Alec pressed his finger a little further.

They were left panting, leaning on each other and on the wall behind them. When they started chuckling, it was all a breathless thing.

Taking a step back, Jace was putting his pants back on as he said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, almost-parabatai.” He smirked, pointing at the debauched state Alec was in, which he was already starting to feel embarrassed about. He was _half-naked_ in front of Jace, _because_ of Jace! “You better clean yourself up before then. It’s a sacred _ritual_ ,” Jace teased him.

“Fuck off, you _asshole_.”

“Hey, you were the one who was liking my asshole like, two minutes ago.”

“I said fuck _off_.”

Alec was still laughing as he slid his own pants up, but his laughter died when he raised his head and Jace wasn’t in the room anymore. The painful cramps that sparked up in his stomach were entirely irrational, then. What had he expected, to cuddle up with Jace? That was _not_ what this was about.

As Alec approached his bed after cleaning himself up, however, the sensation was still there. It starkly resembled…loneliness? And something else. It was similar to what he felt every time Jace called him _brother_. He always thought that to be completely unfair. He wanted to be so much _more_ to Jace...

He _was_ so much more to Jace. In less than twenty-four hours, he was going to be forever tied to Jace in the most intimate way possible. He was also already tied to Jace…intimately. What did he want _more_?

…He _did_ want to cuddle up with Jace. He wanted Jace to kiss him just because, and tell him he loved him, and _mean_ it.

 _Fuck…I_ do _love Jace._

He had just made a terrible mistake. He couldn’t be Jace’s fuckbuddy and his parabatai. That was not what he wanted, he wanted to be so much _closer_ …

The door slammed open. Alec jumped before he looked at it, only to see Jace enter the room and quickly close the door behind him.

“We’re stupid, aren’t we?” Jace said.

Something inside of Alec unclenched, and he smiled. “Yeah, you could say that.”

His arms were full of Jace a moment later. “How could I think I could give you my soul and my body, and not my heart?” Jace whispered into his ear, sending shiver all throughout Alec’s body.

Alec buried his face against Jace’s neck, the smile never leaving him. “I love you, Jace.”

Jace kissed him, murmuring against his mouth, “I love you too, Alec.”


End file.
